.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
