The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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