I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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