U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
