we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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