Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
