we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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