I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
