so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
