the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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