I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
