Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
