areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
