well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
