I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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