My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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