12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
