Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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