grandma shit on top of the toilet
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
