I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
