If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger