Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!