my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.