Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag