I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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