it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
