Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
