i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
