How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
