she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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