Acid is not a monday night drug
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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