Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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