69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
