the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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