I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
