the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
