If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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