he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
