Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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