guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
