Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
ttyl tear gas
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
