Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
