first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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