I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
