I bet he comes in French.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
