i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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