wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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