Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
