I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
