I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
