Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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