Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
