the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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