I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
