For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I love having hate sex.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
