So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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