if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
