who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
