when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
