So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
