Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They have beer where we have blood.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
