Im at strip club and am horny
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
