Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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