my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
