is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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