We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
