i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
