My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize