It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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