Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize